You Bred Raptors?!

Here's a little fun game. I'll tell a story about last week's experiences, and you have to guess which bit actually happened:

On the way to the Brentwood centre in Seb's car, we went over a particularly nasty pothole on Warley road, and the black ice caused us to skid. I went mental, but Seb kept calm, and managed to bring the car to a safe stop, although we were a little shaken.

We got out of the car to survey the damage, just as it started to rain. I wandered over to a stream which ran alongside the road. The stream was fairly fast flowing, and the water level very high, as it had been raining quite heavily for the past few days. I noticed a dark, box-shaped object caught up in the branches. As you may imagine, dear reader, I was more than a little intrigued. I looked over at Seb, who had finished inspecting the car and was standing by the open driver's door. He said "I think it's all ok, V Diddy...Shall we get back on the road?" I looked all handsome and thoughtful for a second, then said "Hang on a sweet moment there, Sebbro!! I've spotted something." As Seb looked on, with an amused and curious expression on his pleasant face, I scrambled down the riverbank, and just managed to reach the box as I said "I can reach it, Dad!!" I clambered back up the slope, and Seb remarked "I thought I lost you, boy!!!"

He then realised that, although very funny, the statement did nothing to advance the plot, so he said "What the heckaroo is in that box, do you think?"

I just stared at the wooden box while wiping the mud and silt from it, and slowly, amazingly, the word "JUMANJI" appeared from underneath the dirt. Some beautiful woodwind music started as I looked up at Seb and whispered "Jumanji..."

Then the drums started.

Five minutes later, in Seb's car, Seb had rolled the two dice in the first throw of a spectacular adventure. We leaned in over the Obsidian circle in the middle of the board as Seb's Ebony Gibbon figurine moved seven spaces forward. "Must be Nonochromatic Electromagnetism or something" I said, speculatively.

We both read, in quivering, yet buoyant voices:

"Don't be scared, you must believe....He's not a psycho; his name is Steve."

We looked at each other quizzically. "Who's Steve?" I asked nervously.
"I don't...know" Seb answered, unsure.
Just then, a knock on the window made us both jump. A man with a friendly face and ginger hair stood the other side of the car window, smiling pleasantly. He made the international gesture for "Please roll down your window". Seb did so. The man spoke, and when he did so, it was in a voice that can only be described as "Normal".

"Hello!" he normalled, "My name is Steve!"
Seb and I looked at each other, confused, but relieved. "Hello Steve!" we said in unison.
"Do you need anything?" he asked.
"Errm... Not at the moment thanks, Steve." I said.
"Ok then." said Steve. "I'll be off"
And he left, just as amiably as he had arrived.

"Right, that was weird." said Seb, extremely accurately. "Your turn."
I rolled the dice. A Two and a Three. Obediently, my Ivory Bearded Capuchin monkey crept forward five spaces. We leaned over the darkness, in preparation for another absolutely average manifestation of an as yet entirely friendly, yet somewhat disappointing game of Jumanji.

"Now Steve is gone, you gain some clarity....Beware the Quantum singularity." We read together.

"What's a quantum singularity?" asked Seb.
"Something to do with Black holes" I answered, remembering something from a book about space I read when I was eight years old and drunk one day. "If I remember correctly, it's the point of space and time at which all laws of physics break down completely, and absolutely anything can happen."
"Anything?!" Seb asked, visibly worried.
"Absolutely anything."

Just then, Postman Pat turned up, holding Greg Rusedski in a test tube. "Hello Seb!!" Pat said, before Seb changed colour to luminous pink and travelled 28 seconds into the future. I hardly noticed this, as I was too busy swatting away the Dawn Frenches from my shoulderblade.

Then I swam 100 lengths of a 25 metre swimming pool in Essex.

"Angus Deayton, what are you doing here?" I asked. He didn't answer me because he was in the process of spraying the Atlantic ocean onto Genghis Khan's nostalgia. Helen of Troy watched the whole scene in confusion. Her leg fell off and married my face. I wasn't feeling too comfortable by this point.

Then Alpha Centauri kindly made everyone a cup of tea, except he put Hypnogogic hallucinations in mine, when I clearly asked for a West Nigerian orange-bellied Sparrow's reproductive cycle. Then Seb came back from the past, and spluttered "Tom!! You'll never guess what?"
"What?" I Fidel Castroed.
"Steve's back!" He shouted, pointing at a horseshoe crab's liver.
I don't know if he meant this metaphorically or not, but I definitely heard his friendly, familiar voice in the solid core of Neptune.

The End.

Or is it?